That One Fear
by SPN221B
Summary: Rated T for a good reason. Will falls into a deep depression and wants a way out. Halt just wants his apprentice back. Can they both get what they want? Or is there more to this than meets the eye? And if what Will is doing is any clue, there may be something deeper. Extremely fluffy Halt and Will son and father relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is a story idea I had! Enjoy!**

* * *

It was all a dream. One that haunted Will day and night. No matter what he did, it always came back. He tried to get away from it, but there was no way to. He thought about telling Halt, but didn't wish to be laughed at. That's what his mentor would do, right? He would have no compassion for a former slave. In fact, he would probably just give him right back to the Skandians. No one cares for someone like him.

So that's what Will came to believe. That no one loved him. No one could care less about him. And he didn't care about any of that. Mainly because of the fact that he had no reason to be loved or cared for. And that's when the torture began.

At first, no one thought anything of it. But slowly, Will got weaker, and weaker. Sicker, and sicker. Halt soon became confused when Will struggled to pull back the small recurve bow. And when even chopping wood became a hard task, he grew very worried for his apprentice. So he kept an eye on Will, but still saw nothing wrong. Until one night...

Will had gone to bed a hour ago, three hours earlier than Halt usually made him. When Will started coughing, Halt was more than worried. But when he knocked, asking to come in, he was greeted with a harsh answer.

"Will, can I come in? Are you alright?" Halt asked, very gently.

Will's answer was harsh, rude, and angry with a hint of fear in it. "Why do you care? You hate me, I'm a disappointment. And no one wants a disappointment for an apprentice." the last part was chocked out, Will trying not to cry.

Halt's eyebrow came up, and he slightly pushed on Will's door. When it was about a fourth of the way open, it was slammed shut.

"No! Please don't!" Will cried out.

Halt put his hand on the opposite side of the door. "Why not?"

"Because you'll be mad."

"How do you know? Maybe I'll be happy." his mentor said, wanting to help the boy.

"Maybe." Will said. "Promise me you won't give me back."

"Give you back? Will what do..." Halt started.

"Just promise me!"

Halt jumped slightly. "I promise."

The door creaked open slowly, a teary eyed apprentice peeking out. He still had his day time clothes on, along with his cloak. Will backed up, and fell onto his bed curling into a ball. His bow and knifes laid on the shelf, along with his arrows and strikers. But on the floor, covered with blood, was one of Halt's kitchen knifes.

Halt gingerly picked it up, cringing at the thought of his apprentice cutting himself over and over again. Will was still on his bed, shivering in fear. Halt gently placed his hand on the boy, wanting to burst out in tears when Will coward at the touch.

"Will, please show me your arms." he requested, very surprised when he did as asked.

His long sleeves on his tunic had hid his arms all day, but now they were unbuttoned, showing the scars of the jagged edge of the knife, where its sharp teeth bit into Will's skin. Halt traced one of the older ones with a finger, barely brave enough to touch them at all. Will's eyes followed his hands, watching every movement. He continued moving his hands, but looked at his apprentice's face.

"Will," he started, having a plan." I understand why, but why use the kitchen knife?"

He said what he said to learn something. And he did. He found the boy's one fear.

"Two reasons. One, I could never use such a powerful weapon for this. It would be plain out wrong. And two, so that whoever replaces me doesn't have to clean my blood off his knifes." he whispered.

"Replace him? Why would I ever replace him?" Halt wondered.

Was he afraid he wasn't good enough? Was he afraid that he would never succeed? No that's not it, Halt thought. Then it struck him. Will was going to kill himself. He already was, doing it as slow as he could to punish himself. This was why he stopped eating.

"You wouldn't get replaced Will," Halt whispered in the exact same tone. "Because I couldn't live without you."

"But you would have to! Araluen needs you. They don't need me." Will spat out after a moment of silence.

Halt stood there and held up the knife. He held out his hand and went to put a cut in his wrist. Right before he did, Will cried out.

"No! Don't!"

Halt was calm. "But Will, I must. Araluen needs me as much as it needs you. Not at all. Why, half the kingdom has already forgotten me. In fact, I bet even the Corps has forgotten my very existence."

Halt knew what he was doing. He was showing Will how he would feel if Will killed himself. And it was working til his next comment.

"But what about Gilan!? He wouldn't forget! You're his mentor."

This stopped the Ranger in his tracks. Gilan. This wasn't expected. Of all the people he knew would remember, Gilan was one of the very few. And the second most important.

"And I wouldn't forget. You're the only person who has ever really mattered to me. If I lost you I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't keep living. I would be scared and lost and lonely. And I would have to work in the fields and be an orphan again. I would lose the only family I ever had. And I'd be hated, because who wants a former slave, one that escaped, for anything? I can't lose you. You can't do this. I need you to much. I'm to weak! I need you!" Will bawled, throwing himself into his mentor's arms.

Halt caught him, as he cried. Will's words had gone to his heart, and he saw that pretending that he was going to kill himself had been to much for the boy. He smoothed his apprentice's hair, and kissed his head softly. His apprentice embraced every touch, fearing it would be the last living touch from his mentor.

Halt started to speak again. "Then I won't leave you, as long as you don't leave me. Because if you left I'd feel the same. I would hate for you to leave me because my life would become rapidly very void of any purpose."

Will pushed his face further into Halt's tunic and nodded. Halt hugged him tighter, feeling relived that his apprentice was safe. A final thought hit him.

"And Will?"

Will mumbled a yes, not looking up. "No more cutting yourself with that knife or any knife for that matter. Start eating again too. Okay?"

The boy nodded, and snuggled even closer to his mentor. Halt leaned his head gently on Will's. He had to smile as his apprentice flew into a deep sleep in his arms. Scooping him up, and laying him on the bed, he frowned upon seeing that some of the scars were infected and how skinny Will was. He cleaned the boys wounds and threw the knife in the creak. He'd be fine if no one ever found that knife. Then he kissed Will's forehead and blew out the three candles.

Standing in the doorway he smiled sadly. Will had long way to come if he wished to recover. But Halt knew h LPe could make it. There was nothing that boy couldn't do.

"Goodnight Will." he whispered, and then closed the door.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed. I'm thinking about making this a multi-chapter story. Please review!**

Best Regards,

PFT3000


	2. Chapter 2

**And here's chapter two. Enjoy!**

* * *

Halt was letting Will sleep in. Why? Because after the pain they had both gone through last night, Will needed the rest. Halt remembered what happened in a vivid memory. And he was in no rush to have to have it.

Rubbing his hands together, he stood to go make coffee. When Will did wake, he did not want his apprentice to be empty handed. Coffee, eggs, and the rare supply of bacon, were on the table when Will walked out of his bedroom door. He went to sit down, but stopped and just leaned on the wall, waiting for Halt.

Halt jumped slightly at the sight of Will. He didn't look bad, in fact his scars were looking much less infected than last night. He was just not expecting Will to be there.

"Sit down Will. Gilan is expected later this afternoon, and you'll need to eat to keep your energy up if you still plan on going riding with him." Halt said, knowing the words that would come next.

"I'm not hungry. Can I eat later?"

Halt sighed. Will still didn't wish to live, even with what happened last Halt wasn't going to kill himself right now, if Will did, he would probably get to that point himself. And that was not something he wanted.

Halt nodded. "That's what I suspected. Eat an egg. And drink your coffee. And I'll call that good."

Will agreed grimly. He forced himself to take the first two bites of the egg in front of him. That's when he found how hungry he was. He quickly at two eggs, a piece of the crispy bacon, and a cup and a half of coffee. He looked confused when Halt removed the bacon from the table.

"But," he started. "I'm still hungry."

"I know. But eat to much at once and you'll make yourself sick. And that's the last thing you need."

"Okay." Will answered meekly.

Staring at the food, he stood and went to leave. Half way to the cabin door, his face bunched up in pain. He stopped, went to turn around, stopped then turning fully he ran to Halt. He hugged him, his mentor's eyebrow going up quickly.

"Halt were you going to really kill yourself?" he asked.

His mentor had to nod. As much as he hated to admit it, last night he really had wanted to end it all. Because he didn't want Will to. And for the simple reason that he was disgusted with himself. How had he been so blind? Will had given all the clues. He was practically crying out for help. Yet he had turned a blind eye to his apprentice who needed him more than ever.

"Halt, it isn't your fault."

"But it is." he whispered, softly. "Don't you see? You've never needed me til I wasn't there. The second I leave, you need me more than ever."

Will's eyes were filled with curiosity and joy. His smile was small as he spoke. "That's where you're going wrong. The second I leave, you need me more than ever."

And Halt knew it was true.

* * *

 **And... CUT! It's done! Hope this was a good story for all who read and reads it. Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so I was going to be done with this story, but I just felt like something was missing. I mean, come on! I just left my fellow fans on edge there! An edge of life and death! Who does that? Well it won't be me, because I'm bringing you another chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

A few week's later Will had seemed to be getting better. No more cuts, that Halt saw, and his kitchen knifes were still where they should be, except for that one in the creek, which Halt had hidden very well. He knew Will was still hurting. From time to time he'd be reluctant to eat, or there would be pain in his eyes. On the rarest occasion, Will would be very clearly scared. That's when Halt had to be there, or he might not have an apprentice anymore. Once, Will had cut himself, the pain and fear had just been too much for the young boy, and instantly regretted it. For Halt had been scared too, and Will hated putting more pressure on his mentor. But that had only happened once.

A life was a valuable thing. But Will wasn't the only one struggling. It was more than obvious that Halt had some problems too. Not so deep that they could result in what Will had almost done, but deep enough to show slightly. For he too, had once been in Will's place, trying to leave the world, and wondering if he was really any use to anyone. But he had had his mentor, Pritchard, and that made him want to help Will even more.

Now as Halt watched the boy smile, and laugh with his friends, he slightly envied him. The life of a Ranger, was one that was lonely, sad, and most of all, painful. And things were going to happen where Will would experience all three of these things at once. It would be hard, and he wasn't going to have many people who would walk with him every step of the way, and carry him when it got tough, but as Halt watched the boy grow into a man, he made a promise. A promise, that no matter where or when, he would always be there til the day he died.

And if there was one thing you could count on Halt for it was that he would keep his promises. But today might just be the day he broke his promise. Because today Will was done. He couldn't stand the pain anymore. And he had a knife. And Halt wasn't home to stop him. And it had to be done.

His breathing was hard, as he went to cut again. He hadn't done it for so long, he wasn't sure he still had the guts to do it. He gulped, and flinched as the knife bit again. As much as it hurt, he had to smile. It would soon be over. The pain would soon be gone. The nuisance he was would no longer be in the way gone. Halt would soon not have to worry for an extra person. One more cut, and it would be good bye world.

And taking a deep breath he did it. He fell to the ground, blood pouring from his wrist, his face pale, and knife falling out of his hand. And the stunning is this... No one expected the death of Halt's apprentice to look so, what's the word? Oh yes. Beautiful.

And the fact that Halt cried, just added to the beauty.

* * *

 **Oh my gosh. What did I just write? Where the, excuse my language, hell did that come from?! But it was! It really was beautiful! Man, I am so disgusted/proud of myself right now. I really hope everyone enjoyed, and that the evil side of your mind that everyone has is satisfied! Please review! Even flames and death threats are excepted for this chapter! See ya!**

 **Best Regards,**

 **PFT3000**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! One last chapter before I officially retire this story. Hope you all have enjoyed and thank you for all of the support. Well enjoy!**

* * *

No one suspected this would be how it ended. Will had been getting better, and Halt rarely left him home alone. The day had started out so positive. Most everyone he knew had seen him in the past ten days. And no saw that making sure of that was his way of saying goodbye. He knew what he was doing. He knew the entire time.

And Halt's wasn't even gone for two hours. He didn't see anything wrong when he left. Will was practicing geography and then some archery, and every thing seemed to be going fine. He left to go get a report from the baron. He never thought he would come home to a dead apprentice and an life empty house. And the feeling of it all was awful. What was worse was that the boy he had sworn to protect was gone and he had failed.

Halt did nothing, but cry for days after that. Gilan and Horace had to move Will's body, for Halt was to weak. Not that the other two were much stronger. Will's death was liked the death of a brother. No one had seen it coming, and no one had the strength to move on...

* * *

It had been ten months since Will died. Ten months of misable, unbearable torture for Halt. Ten months of waking up to an empty, silent cabin. Ten months of just wishing he could die too. And ten months of finishing the work of a Ranger.

He was done. After Will's death every time he put a killing shot into someone, the body turned instantly to Will's. A reminder of the failure he was. So he gave in his request for a gold oakleaf, something he thought he would have to die to achieve. Crowley, after seeing how much pain his best friend was in, finally said okay. Today was his last day, before he officially resigned, so he working on clearing everything out of the cabin.

Stepping up to Will's door, he stopped. Touching the door knob, he closed his eyes and stepped in. The bed was still perfectly made, everything was in its proper place. He hadn't been in this room since he found Will. So nothing had been moved. Opening up a drawer in the dresser, he pulled out a cloak that had been folded neatly. Pulling it close to him, he inhaled sharply, enjoying the scent of Will. Everything in this room still smelled like him.

Laying the cloak on the bed gently, he picked up the small recurve bow he had worked so hard on. He ran his hand across the smooth grain of the wood, and traced the spiral carving Will had done.

"He had been so overjoyed to receive this bow." Halt whispered. "I never thought he would leave it behide."

Though in all reality, he was really saying he never thought Will would leave him behind. Not after everything they had done together, the bond they had worked to build. Placing the bow back down, he went back towards the bed, where the cloak laid. Sitting on the bed softly, he took off his own cloak and donned his shoulders with Will's. Soaking in the smell of his apprentice, he enjoyed the memories, and all the times his apprentice had spent with him.

It wasn't long before Halt had completely packed up the final room. Only two things remained. The cloak over his shoulders, and a small journal. It had been his first birthday present to Will, and no one had approved at the time, but Will had loved it. Now, reading it, Halt realized how much he had really used it. It looked like almost everyday.

There were three pages left for him to read. Two were blank, the third had a poem written on it. It wasn't great, and it didn't really rhyme, but Halt could care less. Will had wrote it for him.

He's graybearded and grim,

And sometimes the most sarcastic person around,

But I'd rather be with him than anyone else.

When the ground shakes,

And hell flips my world upside down,

He's right there to catch me,

That's just what he does.

So sometimes he's annoying,

And will do nothing but drink coffee,

But if it came to picking sides,

I'd follow my mentor anywhere.

Tears pricked his eyes, as Halt closed the book slowly. Will had never really shown much emotion when it came to him and Halt. Everyone else he would cry, laugh, or even go help with them. But while Halt and Will had been close, he was always somewhat withdrawn from him. To see this made Halt really feel loved.

He tucked the book into the saddle bag. Clearing out Will's room had been so hard. Even the smallest thing had some value to Halt. The mandola had been the hardest. Halt always called it a lute to get on Will's nerves, but he knew full and well what It was. He even knew how to play it.

Removing it from its case, Halt strumed a few cords of Old Smoke Joe. He had played, but not sang until the choruse.

"Fare thee well Graybeard Halt,

Fare thee well I say.

Fare thee well Graybeard Halt,

Tomorrow's another day."

He hated that song with a passion. It was the worse song in the world. But he knew it had been made with love, and that was all that mattered.

Halt looked up when he heard Crowley's weak, "Hello Halt."

"Hello Crowley. I think we need to talk."

"Yes... Something like that. Are you ready Halt?" he pulled a golden chain from his pocket.

"I think so. I'm not really sure to tell the truth. Part of me just needs this to be over. The other part makes me feel like I'm letting everyone down." Halt sighed, closing his eyes.

Crowley wanted to say that he should stay as a Ranger. He wanted to say this isn't what Will would've wanted. But he couldn't betray his friend like that. So instead he gave the honest truth. "I don't want you to do this Halt. I don't think the Corps would ever be the same. But you're hurting. You need to do what you think is best. If leaving is what you need to do, then do it. Sure the Corps will miss you, but it's not like we'll never see each other again. Heck, I'll make sure you go wherever you want to after you retire. Castle Araluen, Redmont, a different cabin in the middle of no where. Name it, I'll get you there. So if you feel like your time is up, go ahead retire. I'm not going to think any less of you, and neither is the rest of this kingdom. You're a respected figure throughout the entire western world. This is all up to you."

Halt shook his head. "Crowley, I wear this oakleaf because of reasons no one really knows. I haven't told anyone. It's not about respect or authority or getting attention. It's about trust, honesty, and loyalty. And I haven't been any of those things lately. You can put the gold oakleaf away. I don't need it quite yet. Besides, I think right now I just need a break." he gave a grim smile.

"Two weeks sound good for now?"

"Well, I was thinking more like two months, but two weeks is just as good." Halt answered with a gentle vibe.

* * *

Two weeks later Halt was returning to the small cabin. This time he wasn't dreading it as much. Seeing smoke coming from the chimney, he hurried in. Gilan hugged him eagerly as he stepped in the living room.

"It's good to have you back. I've missed you so much." Gilan whispered, as neither broke the hug.

"Me too Gil, me too."

Breaking the embrace, Halt smiled at his former apprentice. "Did I ever tell you how much really appreciate you even though you're a pain in the neck?"

"You have now." Gilan smiled broadly.

And finally Halt could bear it. So Will was gone. It was okay to miss him, but he couldn't forget the other important person in his life. And he promised himself he wouldn't.

* * *

 **And tada! It's finished! please tell me what you think and I'll see you next time! Please review!**

 **Best Regards,**

 **PFT3000**


	5. Offer

Hey everyone! In the spirit of Christmas I have an offer for you! For every review you leave on one of my stories, I'll review one of yours! I'll do this until January 1st, 2017 starting today, December 22nd. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannaka, and Happy New Years(unless you're in China of course).

Best Regards,

PFT3000


End file.
